Training and Teaching: What 2020 Has Shown Me

Just imagine with me for a minute...

You pull into the school parking lot and park in your spot - the same spot that you park in day in and day out. You sit in your car and you stare at the sun in front of you as it peeks out above the cloud line and shows it’s face, welcoming another day. You blink your eyes awake as you scoop out the last bite of oatmeal; the oatmeal you somehow managed to cook in less than a minute and then eat in the car at red lights on your drive into work. You are pissed because you accidentally ate the last bite of peanut butter before the last bite of oatmeal, and now the last bite is not as yummy as it could have been. Also you ran out of water already. 

Crap.

You’re still sitting there. You think about how crazy you must be to have already been awake for almost four hours. You woke up at 4:00 to run and strength train and shower and drive to work...and although you are tired, you are glad that you did it. 

You think about all the things you have to go inside and do before the students enter your classroom and start asking questions, and before they are looking to you to be the adult that they may or may not have at home. 

You think about how crazy this year is, and how many people are counting on you to make today happen, to know their children in person and virtually all at the same time, to be there emotionally, to answer questions, to create community, to keep track of attendance and tardies and bathroom breaks and desk shields and sanitizing and differentiation and assignments and grades and IDs and oh yeah, their learning. 

You breathe in. You breathe out. And you step out of your car.

 Don’t forget the mask.

You can imagine what the rest of the day is like. Kids unmuting in the middle of class to say sorry for being late and to ask, “what are we doing?” to which you need to pause class for everyone, explain everything to the student, and then resume where you left off. Five minutes later, this happens again...etc. You try to model vocal exercises but they can’t see your mouth through the mask and they can barely understand you through the face shield you are wearing. They have them too-the face shields. We can’t share true musical moments. We can’t hear anyone who is online. We can’t feel united as one. Choir is meant to be a team sport - a team class - and when half the team is muted and the other half is 6 feet apart with two layers blocking the part of their body that creates the music...what are you to do? 

Your heart breaks because you want to be a great teacher. You want to teach music. But you can’t do it the best way you know how. You can’t do it normally. You have to settle. I hate settling. The day goes on and this happens every class period. Shields get sprayed down at the end of class, the kids politely leave the room,  half of them didn’t even hear you say there was something they should have turned in all together 15 minutes ago, and now students have zeros and can’t make music together. This is all just the tip of the iceberg, but I think you understand.

...enough imagining.

All of that and more is reason for me to get up at crazy hours. When I pull into that parking spot at 7:45 AM and my head starts to spin and my heart starts to race because thinking about just one day fills me with anxiety and frustration, I have already given myself the time I needed to be me. I am able to teach in 2020 because I am able to train. I don’t know how I do it some days. Training used to be the most tiring part of my day. Waking up early used to be really hard, but now it is the thing I most look forward to, and it’s what gives my soul energy.

The thing is, if the year 2020 has taught me anything, it’s that we really are in control of more of our own choices and actions than we realize. I choose my attitude towards the day. I choose what I eat. I choose when I sleep. I choose how much time I will spend doing work at home. I choose what to do with the money I earn. I choose what shoes to wear to the grocery store. I choose to strength train for 25 minutes post run instead of sitting on instagram scrolling. I choose to read, learn, and grow in the areas that interest me. I choose to love my husband and put family first. I choose to trust in God. I choose to...well, you get the idea.

I have learned that all those small things - the things we for some reason label as ‘small’ are actually the big things. They are the things that make up our minute to minute and hour to hour thoughts, actions, and mindset. Why should I allow society, a pandemic, cancelled races, closed stores, and stressful jobs put a halt to the small stuff that actually makes me who I am? 

All in all, teaching right now is harder than ever. I get by as best I can and I try not to let the things I didn’t do or the student I couldn’t help bother me too much. MY mental health, MY passions, and MY feelings are also just as valid as my students. How can I be there for them if I don’t show up in all the small ways for myself? 

So, I choose to teach and I choose to train. I choose to do both. I choose to put myself first from the moment I wake up so that I can give selflessly in the times I need to. I choose to make the small things in life the big things, and I choose to make the people in my circle the people who encourage me to continue down the road of self discovery, passion, hope, dreams, goals, and love. In 2020, a lot can and will happen. Things will get cancelled, and doors will continue to close in your face. 

I challenge you to open new ones. 

Embrace who you are and do the small, yet big things that nurture you. Create your future. Choose to prioritize preparation so that when opportunity presents itself, you are ready to meet it without a doubt. I am still figuring a lot out, but there is so much I have learned as well. Thank you 2020, for teaching me what matters most in my life, and for showing me what small things will always be big to me. I will train. And I will teach. I will survive this year. I will thrive.

Much love.

A huge thanks to the Lifelong Endurance Athletes and Coaches for creating a community that supports all of us in these endeavors. Yes, we are athletes. But we are also lifelong learners, and everything we learn from our sport can- and will -always be applied to life.