Runner Stories: This is What Happens When You Lose Your Tribe

Megan is a contributing writer. She is a long distance runner, climber, writer, animal lover currently based in the middle of nowhere, East Texas.

“I felt my arms swing, and my legs curl and unfurl in front of me. The pain in my chest was still there, but it seemed to lose prominence as I amped up the horsepower. I wished that this bolt was recorded, but also, I’m glad that it wasn’t. I would have hated to feel so great about it and then be over critical of what I’d pictured. I flew, I was free. I was long and lean and powerful! If there is anything I’d want more in life, it was moments like this.”

Yup, that was me. Megan “The Flash” Russell, highly integrated member of November Project Chicago, a free fitness community that meets (officially twice, but unofficially) four times a week to sweat together, challenge one another, and support one another. Emphasis on the last part. 

I wrote that blurb after a Sunrise 6K. A free, grassroots race where I ended up actually placing for the first time ever in my life. NP Chi was as much a part of my identity as my love of animals. It was a fact. Undeniable. Enough photo evidence to fill up my Instagram for over a year alone. With them I was inspired to run my first 5k, 8k, 10k, Half Marathon, and Full Marathon, all in the same year. It was awesome, after spending the majority of my childhood and early adulthood moving from place to place and not staying in a place long enough to foster long term relationships, I finally felt like I had the support system that I’d always wanted.

At least, until I didn’t.Now, let me tell you this, before you go any further. There was no big catastrophic falling out or drama that curtailed my love of this crew, the love is still very much real. So if you’re looking for a fight, check out The Real Housewives of [insert city here]. 

I moved to Dallas in June, (Why? Because, I wanted to see what it would be like to die of heat stroke at 8am, apparently.) and my “why” for running dissipated. Running was always more of a social thing for me, rather than something I loved to do on my own. But, there was something just not right about going to a different branch of November Project, here in Dallas. Though, I wholeheartedly believe in the message of community and showing up for each other, being there no matter what, I just felt like I needed space.

I felt like just trying to replace the group of friends that I had lost wasn’t going to help me, in fact it just made me feel the weight of the loss that much more. Hoping that this group would mean as much to me as my old one was something I tried very hard not to do, but I couldn’t help giving in too. I tried. I compared. I was disappointed. Again, not because there is anything wrong with that crew, but because I needed time to deal with a loss of a huge support system. The reality about moving cross country, is that you lose touch with the people you’re not physically around anymore, regardless of the success of technology, and in time, that’s okay. Everyone has busy lives, just like you do, and everyone is just doing the best that they can.Sometimes you can’t just brush yourself off, move on, and meet new people, and that’s okay. Sometimes you just need to take some time off and get back into it when you’re up to it.

I am thankful for the lessons that moving has taught me, but I do look forward to re-entering the running world with full force once I get settled. I know that there’s no rush to do that. After all, life is a marathon, not a sprint.

Do you have a running story that you would like to share? If so, please send it to lexi@lifelongendurance.com.